6.04.2010

Finding Balance without Fixing


Day 47 of my 120 Day Challenge, and I have become intimately aware of how often I try to force balance on the outside world. I'm one of those people that straightens crooked pictures in homes and offices when no one is looking. I can't help myself...why should the world be askew when I can make it balanced?

Remember when you were little and you and your friend would go up and down on the seesaw, gradually exchanging the balance of power? Remember those moments when your friend would leave you hanging up in the air, ungrounded, and helpless? You felt like you had no choice. They were in control of you being up or down.

When you were released from this state of unknowing, perhaps you became curious and chose to create this feeling of helplessness in another where you determined all the outcomes. Your teeter-totter goes back and forth -- one above and one below -- where trust is the fulcrum and choice is hanging by a thread.

This way of experimenting with balance has left me feeling on edge for I'm always believing in a future moment where trust could be broken. When I realize that my groundlessness is a strategy for another to feel grounded, and my helplessness is a way for my friend to feel less helpless, then trust seems unnecessary.

I am beginning to understand that true balance comes from knowing that whatever discomfort I am feeling is the message of connection sent by another. When I feel the feeling and create wholeness from recognizing it in another, I no longer have to fix the chaos of my external world to feel balanced and at peace.

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