Protector: Heart of a Warrior

Protector, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry): silver guard dog charm

Protector, your heart is a warrior, and though you want to save, somewhere deep inside is the understanding that you are recklessly moving towards a place of remembering to let go.

*************

This charm represents all those heroes who have found themselves amidst unspeakable disasters and conflicts. You have been willing to reach into the deepest part of your humanity and for this may you know that I honor your desire to serve and protect on this Memorial Day.

Celebrating 50 Years

Happy 50th Birthday Story Necklace, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
silver charms: bluebird of happiness, flaming heart milagro,
zen lotus, belonging beehive, and tree of life

Someone put together this necklace from Hint Jewelry charms, chain, gems in my shop for her friend's 50th birthday. I thought it was such a neat collection of charms that seem to symbolize a life well lived and places to go!

Happy 50th Birthday Story Necklace, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
silver charms: bluebird of happiness, flaming heart milagro,
zen lotus, belonging beehive, and tree of life

Food as a Strategy

Day 39

There isn't one woman I know that doesn't have a complex relationship with food. No matter health or body image, food is a central theme in our lives.

I suppose it's difficult to pinpoint, but at some moment in each of lives, we stopped seeing food as sacred nourishment for connecting our spirit with the universe and started believing that food could be a replacement for something we were wanting.



As I change my diet and lifestyle for my 120 Day Challenge, my resistance to letting go of certain foods has become one of my deepest emotional blocks. As I got more irritated, somewhere a light bulb went off and I decided to apply Nonviolent Communication (NVC) techniques to my relationship with food.

Break out the food journal!

Having a food journal that can act as my therapist through this process has been a great tool. Just being able to write my observations seems to give me the incentive to let go.

I came to realize that these conflicted feelings weren't really about food. I mean just look at these yummy pictures of meals I've been cooking. It's not that I don't have delicious, scrumptious food to eat. It's that by letting go of a lifestyle I have somehow convinced myself that certain needs will not be fulfilled.

Here's an example of journaling about food using NVC.

Food on Beth's Endangered List: Hamburgers on the Grill

What memories, feelings, or things do I associate with grilled hamburgers?
Parties, friends, fun time spent with my husband, memories of family events, 4th of July celebrations, working at summer camp and playing with the kids, good conversation, storytelling, handsome guys working a grill, camping, making fires, , summer, freedom, no school, playfulness, beaches, and happiness

What are the some of emotional needs met by these things?
community, pleasure, connection with others, rest, joy, and freedom

If I had my needs for community, pleasure, connection, rest, joy and freedom met, what would I feel?
I would feel calm, centered, happy, safe, confident, and full of wonder.

You see I've tricked my brain into thinking this formula works:

grilled hamburger = connection = happiness

Take the hamburger away and my brain begins to think that one type of connection may have disappeared forever and my happiness buzz is in serious jeopardy.

Then I use to think that I had to replace the grilled hamburger with another strategy to meet my need for connection, which might look like this:

dinner with a friend = connection = happiness

This could wear a person down, because honestly when you are constantly looking for an external person, place or thing to meet an internal need you are going to run up against a lot of disappointment and frustration.

The real magic is this formula:

happiness

You have what you emotionally need at all times. It doesn't need a trigger or strategy to come to life. It's just there, and you can call on it whenever you want. When you start filling up on the feelings you are wanting, the feelings you can create with the most powerful tool you own -- your brain -- you will start to realize you don't need to grab for anything and everything that is available to you is enough.

I don't anticipate that my yearnings for certain foods will go away or I will stop grabbing for food when things get rough. But I am beginning to see that the deeper connection is finding out what might be below this longing and learning to honor its request in a new way.

Hummingbird Treasures

Snowcap Hummingbird (Microchera Albocornata) photograph by Michael Woodruff

Hummingbirds are endlessly fascinating to me and once you become open to seeing this tiny bird, you seem to start seeing them all over the place. Just in the last couple months I've seen three movies that feature a hummingbird as integral to the story. They hold the promise of coming close to you, but are illusive at the same time.

This amazing photograph of a Snowcap hummingbird was taken by my friend and jewelry designer Catherine Waterhouse on one of her traveling adventures.

Colibri en Paraiso, Catherine Waterhouse:
bronzy freshwater pearls, ruby, garnet, keishe pearls, sterling silver,
and fine silver hummingbird charm from Hint Jewelry

Catherine Waterhouse uses these moments in nature to directly inspire her jewelry designs like her Snowcap Hummingbird bracelet Colibri en Paraiso that features a Hint Jewelry Messenger charm. She managed to capture all the colors of this special bird along with that cute little white tuff on his head!

Mending the Web, Lauren Luquin (VisionWise):
abalone shell, charoite, bloodstone, jade, black onyx, snowflake obsidian, moonstone,
labradorite, rhodonite, carnelian, rose quartz, red jasper, amazonite, iolite, lepidolite,
smoky quartz, chrysoprase, amber, jet, pieterrsite, rutilated quartz, kyanite,
watermelon tourmaline, black tourmaline, serpentine, aquamarine, flourite, and rhodochrosite bead
silver Hint Jewelry hummingbird and spider charms

Jewelry designer Lauren Luquin of VisionWise was also called to celebrate the beauty of the hummingbird with this wonderful power necklace called Mending the Web. The gems and the arrangement of the colors in this necklace are so evocative of a hummingbird's shimmering feathers. I just adore this piece and how she paired Hint Jewelry's Messenger charm with Spider Woman.

Mending the Web, Lauren Luquin (VisionWise)

You can read more about Lauren Luquin's inspiration for this necklace and its healing powers on her VisionWise Earth Livity blog.

Messenger, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver chain and hummingbird charm

This hummingbird charm named Messenger was one of my first designs and still offers me endless creative adventures. Hopefully, she will make it onto Hint Jewelry necklace design this summer as I search for hummingbirds in my own garden :)

Thank you to all the many people who have shared their vision of the hummingbird with me through stories and art!

Kate Holmes: Animal Art that Gives Back

White Lab and Two Boats, Kate Holmes: limited edition giclee print on canvas

Through Etsy I met painter Kate Holmes -- an amazing woman, artist, and advocate for animals. Her paintings bring a smile to my face with their animal themes, pleasing shapes, and curvy lines.

Black & White Cat with Bird, Kate Holmes: limited edition giclee print on canvas

By purchasing one of Kate Holmes' giclee prints on canvas you will be donating 15% of the profit to one of the animal advocacy groups that Kate Holmes supports.

Mexican Pony, Kate Holmes: limited edition giclee print on canvas

I think Kate Holmes' painting Mexican Pony is my favorite. I love the simple colors she chose and the stark black hooves, mane, and tail create a neat pattern. Born and raised in Pennsylvania, but now living in Mexico, Kate Holmes brings a wonderful sensibility about animals and nature that feels so light and grounded at the same time.

I hope you take a moment to enjoy more of Kate Holmes work!

Spring Love Dog

Love Dog, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling chain, plum pearl, iolite, and silver greyhound and plum blossom charms

Happy Spring to all you Love Dogs!

Behind the Scenes: Resistance to Change

In April, I embarked on a cleanse that takes between eight and twelve months to complete. Along with this cleanse came a whole bunch of lifestyle changes I needed to make in order to support my process. Actually the list wasn't too bad because most of the requirements were already operating in my life. It was the other 50% that I had been resisting:

1. A primarily vegetarian or vegan diet (no dairy, flour, or sugar)
2. Consistent exercise
3. Regular mealtimes
4. Bedtime by 10pm and wake up before 7am
5. Minimize TV and computer time
6. Avoid overworking

Piece of cake! Ha! Try telling that to my brain :)

Today is Day 32 of my new lifestyle routine, and I've already got two cleanses behind me. But I've started to realize I am in a sort limbo state between old habits and new habits. I'm right on the edge of stopping short -- I'm in the Land of Resistance to Change.

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To implement my lifestyle changes I decided to use the yoga benchmarks for learning something new:

40 days: to change a habit into something positive or break a negative habit
90 days: to confirm a new habit in you
120 days: you have become the new habit
1000 days: you have mastery of the new habit

Everything was going swimmingly until around Day 22 when I felt like if I didn't have a pizza dripping with cheese and some fatty meat I would lose it on someone. I turned to TV as a substitute, salivating in front of every food commercial and trolling the Food Network for delicious recipes I couldn't cook. What I discovered is that this backslide isn't a bad sign, rather it alerted me to the fact that I was on the growing edge of changing my habit. I was showing signs of resistance to change.

Signs of Resistance to Change
complaining or gossiping
oversleeping
blaming others
creating drama
reoccurring mistakes
increasing bad habits such as food, TV, and drugs
repeating the same conversation or story
using generalized words such as "always" and "never"

It seems to be common knowledge that your brain is a lot like a computer. A machine that thrives on routine. A computer runs programs and so does your brain. Many of which you've had a hand in designing. A computer program is a list of instructions -- like a recipe -- that is triggered when you command it to run. Your brain runs a program when you command it. For instance, what if every day at 10am I meet outside the office with a couple of friends for a chat and a smoke. Here's an example of what the program in my brain might look like.

Smoking Program
1. I'm feeling tired, trapped, and bored at work.
2. If it is 10am, then meet friends for a smoke and chat outside.
3. Smoke and chat with friends.
4. I feel more intellectually and emotionally stimulated, rested, free and content.
5. Back to work feeling rejuvenated.

To break a habit like smoking with friends, is more then resisting the need to buy a pack of cigarettes. You need to break your brain's attachment to the routine, which is more difficult than it looks because underlying the program are some really deep emotional needs that are getting consistently met.

Also, anytime the brain sees a new habit replacing an old habit, it perceives this invader as a threat to the system -- like a computer virus. The brain can only think in the moment like a wild animal. It has a hard time understanding new future outcomes that could be potentially beneficial. It prefers to stick with what works. If the brain sees that you want to the erase the current program, then its whole existence feels threatened and goes into survival mode -- resistance to change.

So this resistance isn't all bad for it's a bit of a circus sideshow. It's just me and all my silly human antics. Watching it, laughing at it, and continuing to support my new program is all I need to do. Remain steady is my new mantra because I've become keenly aware that the moment between Day 32 and Day 40 is obviously when my brain is going to feel like a bucking bronco. I'm going to hug my poor little brain as it battles through what it perceives as a life and death struggle because it doesn't know Day 40, 90 or 120 is when the magic is going to happen.

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As I change my life, I have begun to see how difficult it is for me to permanently change my business habits. I institute one thing and then about four weeks later I've abandoned my new idea or come up with a replacement.

Also, because of this new lifestyle challenge, I now know I can only change one thing at a time. Coming up with too many ideas and then wanting to implement them all at once is another pitfall for me. For the time being, I'm scaling back on changing my business, and I'm trying to watch this process so that when it feels right I can to apply it to Hint.

Have you been working through some lifestyle or business changes lately? What have you been doing to keep on track? How have you approached your resistance to change?

For more musings on business and jewelry see my whole Behind the Scenes blog series.

Lucky May Babies

Lucky, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling chain, emerald, and silver lucky ladybug charm

Happy Birthday to all you May babies!

Someone put together this lucky ladybug necklace in my shop a couple weeks ago to honor a friend's birthday, and I thought it was the sweetest little thing.

What's in Your Heart?

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about examining your heart to see if it felt open or closed while thinking about the question "what don't we want to let in?" This brought up the flip side: "what don't we want to let out?"

Honestly, I can't say for certain which process is harder for me: letting in or letting out. I struggle with both. One of the reasons I have fostered a closed heart space is that in Nonviolent Communication speak I'm deeply aware of my cranky inner jackal (translation: an extremely critical and judgmental inner voice).

I know my jackal can be an old softy -- think Archie Bunker after a heavy meal and a smoke -- but for fear of hurting others and myself I've opted for keeping him on a tight leash behind the steel door of my heart.



That's the tricky thing about opening your heart. If you're going to open so as to let things in and out, choosing only what you're most comfortable with such as the happy feelings is probably only going to lead you around in circles. Opening means opening to everything. The sticky, gross feelings that seem to push others away. The warm, tender feelings that draw others closer to you. Opening is trusting that every single part of your heart is beautiful, necessary, and meant to be here.

A lion roars for a reason and so does your heart. So own it.

Any act, be it gracious or violent, is a creative force filled with vital life energy. Any feeling of anger or shame is pointing the way to a deeper connection with your heart. The key is to remember that absolutely everything you let out is a sacred offering meant to be here.

The best way for me to explain this concept is to use an example of my inner critic at work in yoga class. I attend Bikram yoga where the room is heated to 105 degrees for ninety minutes. One of the guidelines is to stay present in the room for the full length of the class without leaving for a break, water, etc. For many people, not having the ability to leave the room is one of the most difficult challenges for them to face. Crazy thinking comes up when experiencing this kind of intense environment, which makes it a unique laboratory for exploring the places you get stuck when relying on your mind.

Beth's self-righteous mind on Bikram Yoga: "Crap, there she goes...she's leaving the room again. Gosh that girl really bugs me when she makes excuses to go get water. I can't stand that attitude. She should be following the directions, suffering along with all the rest of us."

Beth's mind on NVC: "What am I really wanting? Well, when she left the room I felt disappointed, because I wanted dependability and reliability."

Beth's inner jackal: "I feel like she let me down. I don't want others to let me down because I can't do it all alone. It's too much. I need the support of everyone. Can't she see we're in this together."

Beth's NVC giraffe: "Remember that what someone says or does can't hurt you. What you chose to THINK about the action of someone else is the cause of your suffering. Every judgment you have about someone else is actually about yourself, so what are YOU wanting from YOUR SELF?"

Beth's heart: "I want to be able to give myself the support I need to be strong and stay present."

Beth's higher self: "What would this presence give you?"

Beth's heart: "I would feel centered, confident, and openhearted. I would feel whole."

Beth's higher self: "Can you feel those things right now without asking the outside world [other yoga students] to make them happen for you?"

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Wow! My Archie Bunker jackal went from complaining and disliking some stranger to finding out that my heart is longing for me to create dependable presence so as to build self-esteem. This particular jackal voice was a gem of a discovery!

Next time you open your heart and encounter the jackal, mouse, lion, snake, or bear struggling to be heard, try letting the angry, ashamed, screaming, squeaky voice out like an offering. You'll be amazed by the gifts waiting for you right underneath that voice -- a voice that deserves a place in our world.

Turning a Corner

Life turned a corner and an iris bloomed in my garden.

Thank you blessed life!

Heirloom Memory Necklace: April 2010

Flaming Heart Milagro charm, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry)

As I looked through my sketchbook for what to add for the month of April to my Heirloom Memory necklace, I was most drawn to the idea of how much work I did on grounding myself to the earth and its impact on opening my heart.

Flaming Heart Milagro charm, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry)

I planted a new garden with my husband in April, had dreams about a trip I took to the Valley of Fire in Nevada, and spent a lot of time researching Paiute Indians. During my searching, I came across a Paiute mystic called Jack Wilson or Wovoka who started a religious movement among the Native Americans called Ghost Dance. Be sure to check out this intriguing movie from 1894 of a Sioux tribe doing the Ghost Dance.

Memory Necklace 2010, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry)
silver charms: lotus blossom, tree of life, flaming heart milagro, and cross
materials: aquamarine, carnelian, turquoise, lemon quartz, peridot,
prehnite, garnet, brown pearl sterling silver chain and wire, and gold filled wire

To honor the earth, I added a string of knotted brown pearls that will become the second layer of my necklace. I eliminated the wire-wrapped garnets included for March, which no longer felt connected to the spirit of the piece.

Flaming Heart Milagro charm, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry)

As a reminder to open my heart space, I added a flaming heart milagro charm wire wrapped to a single round garnet.

This necklace is a constant surprise to me, because its colors and design are unlike anything I've ever imagined myself wearing. It's like seeing an internal emotional makeover manifest on the outside, and I have to constantly tell myself that every part of the process is important and to stick with it.

Do you ever find yourself having a hard time following a path because you are unsure where it leads?

Behind the Scenes: Thinking Big with Sterling Charms

Hint Jewelry Cast Charm Collection

I've always been drawn to the idea of making multiples. In art school, I couldn't imagine creating one painting that would go away forever...never to be seen again. Ouch! My choice of studying printmaking allowed me the opportunity to prolong my attachment to an image, and when I learned how to make molds for sculpture and cast them in metal, well I was a born junkie :)

Last fall Hint Jewelry grew to the point where my two hands were no longer able to keep up with charm production. I decided it was time to move into the next phase of my business and begin having some of my most popular charm designs cast in sterling silver by another craftsman.

hand sculpted metal clay models by Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry)

This was an exciting step for me. People kept asking if I was worried about losing control of the process or becoming disconnected from my artwork, but I couldn't grasp what they were saying because honestly getting my charms cast in sterling has always been a fantasy of mine and is the deepest honor for me. To send one charm out and have another craftsman reproduce fifty of them is intensely gratifying.

The first step in the lost wax casting process was making my final version of a metal clay charm model -- the one that will be cast in sterling silver over and over again. This ignited some powerful and confusing feelings. Which perfectly imperfect version should I choose? The choosing in itself was a practice of letting go and took me about two months to sort out.

urethane molds and wax models

Once I sent my metal clay models to the caster, he created two-part urethane molds for each charm. Then wax was poured into each of the molds multiple times to create the number of charms I requested. See how the pink wax version of my lion charm has a handle on it? That's called a sprue and acts like a channel to funnel molten metal.

Imagine fifty of these wax lion charms all attached to one shaft like branches of a tree. This wax tree is then encased in a plaster-like substance called investment. The investment mold is heated to a high temperature so the wax burns away, leaving empty spaces shaped like my charms. Molten sterling silver is forced into these empty spaces. The investment mold is broken (never to be used again), leaving a metal tree of lion charms instead of wax. This is how multiple lost wax castings can be done all at once instead of one charm at a time. Every time I want another set of charms, the metalsmith has to pour another fifty waxes, construct another wax tree, and create another waste mold.

Also, an enormous amount of clean up has to take place before my sterling charms are finished -- sprues have to be cut off, rough edges have to be ground down smooth, and charms are polished and given a patina. Lost wax casting is an incredibly labor intensive process that was developed in ancient Egypt. There are no shortcuts. If you would like to see someone at work, here's a YouTube video that explores the process of casting one ring.

Hint Jewelry charms cast in sterling silver and polished

Here are the sterling silver versions of my charms all polished up. I just love them! They are really luxurious and because sterling is an alloy they feel stronger, less malleable and more grounded.

Hint Jewelry charms cast in sterling with a patina

Here are Hint Jewelry's sterling charms with a patina, which I think adds more depth and character. It makes the small details stand out better.

the backside of Hint Jewelry charms cast in sterling

And finally a consistent backside that allows me to feel completely at ease :)

When your business starts to blossom, instead of thinking of strategies for how to manage to keep it small and contained, consider thinking big by looking for the people and resources that can help make this happen.

For more musings on business and jewelry see my whole Behind the Scenes blog series.

Books by Pema Chodron

I've been hooked on ABC's show FlashForward because it deals with the nature of reality. So I shouldn't have been a surprised when last week a character on FlashForward gave Pema Chodron's The Places that Scare You to a man receiving cancer treatment. This is one of my favorite books about understanding life, and I just finished my second read about two weeks ago.

Here's the quote at the beginning of the book that gives me chills and makes me want to read it all over again:

Confess your hidden faults.
Approach what you find repulsive.
Help those you think you cannot help.
Anything you are attached to, let it go.
Go to the places that scare you.

-- ADVICE FROM HER TEACHER TO THE TIBETAN YOGINI MACHIK LABDRON



If you haven't greeted Pema Chodron into your life yet, I invite you to search her out. She is a wonderfully engaging speaker that makes Buddhism extremely accessible. I first found her through tapes that a generous friend loaned to me, but you can check her out on YouTube.

Her book that I find most useful is Comfortable with Uncertainty. In this book Pema Chodron has written 108 concise teachings that examine fearlessness and compassion. I used this book as a daily meditation and read one a day for a while to deepen my meditation practice.

Do you have a favorite book by Pema Chodron?

Gem Stories: Emerald

Emerald Dream, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver wire, apatite, and emerald

During my reading of Victoria Finlay's chapter on emeralds in Jewels: A Secret History, I revealed how little I use or wear emeralds. Intrigued by my reluctance to embrace this gem, I tasked myself with designing a pair of earrings that I would make me feel like Cleopatra.

The result was these dangling earrings that pairs earthy, green emeralds with a simple wire wrapped apatite. Designing these earrings definitely opened me up to new emerald possibilities and had me wondering what other messages I had missed in this gem.

Emerald Dream, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver wire, apatite, and emerald

Chosen as the traditional birthstone for May and known as the stone that inspires infinite patience, emerald promotes balance in all forms of relationship. It calms emotions and opens hearts, creating mutual understanding among groups of people and promoting cooperation.

I've started to think of the emerald as a talking stick -- a stone encouraging wisdom and truth in community circles. Hmmm...I wonder what politics would be like if our leaders held an emerald in their hand before speaking? Maybe Cleopatra was onto something!

Mothering Strong Roots

Tree of Life, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver wire, amethyst, sterling silver tree of life charm

In celebration of all beings who share their gifts of mothering
with the world, I offer my deepest gratitude for your nurturing presence.

Tree of Life, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver wire, amethyst, sterling silver tree of life charm

Thank you for strengthening my roots, so that I may grow strong for others!

Behind the Scenes: Seeking Inspiration

Sometimes you go looking for inspiration and other times it finds you.

That's what happened this week in my backyard...
inspiration arrived completely uninvited and took a front row seat on the roof.

Spring started out with me and a happy pair of pigeons forging a new relationship. I would drive home from yoga, and like clock work two pigeons would be perched on my neighbor's roof cooing, reminding me to spread out some seeds for their afternoon snack.

Somehow the other pigeons in the neighborhood took
note of my plump friends and are now dropping in for a feast.

Hmmm...I attract pigeons.

This notion kind of excited me, but then self-doubt crept in, and I wondered if people would think this was strange. Shouldn't I be wanting to attract cute little finches or serious songbirds?

No, a pigeon really is my kind of bird. They are undervalued and overlooked scrappers. They have managed to make urban environments their home yet they are rarely greeted with any kind of sense of wonder by us humans.

They each have their own unique personality and a multitude of color variations.

They even have heated relationships that remind me of my own!

They looked so strong and powerful as they spread their wings in majestic display, I could have sworn they looked like eagles. No, the humble pigeon is my kind of friend and a wonderful source of inspiration.

Please Pray for my Garden

Seriously folks! I really need some prayers for my new little baby plants
that desperately want to grow but keep being saddled with calamity.

Portland has chosen rain over sunshine for the
last couple weeks and now a silly hail storm.

Though it was quite a fantastic interlude to my day, during the
hail storm I kept telling my plants to stay strong.

Here's wishing we are all blessed with some sunny days ahead!

Sharing Your Heart

Flaming Heart Milagro, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver chain and sterling silver Mexican heart charm

Feliz Cinco de Mayo to you!

Last week I wrote about examining your heart to see if it felt open or closed. This brought up a whole other question that I didn't cover: "What don't we want to let out?"

I hope to write later about this second question, but for right now I'm musing on this topic and looking into what my heart is able to share in this moment.

Flaming Heart Milagro, Beth Hemmila (Hint Jewelry):
sterling silver chain and sterling silver Mexican heart charm

A share doesn't need to be big to have sincere presence in the world. Sometimes just a look, a pause, or a smile is a gigantic sharing of the heart. What have you been sharing?