|models for casting Hint Jewelry sterling silver charms: tiger, wolf, swan, paw print, horseshoe, and puzzle piece|
This is a sneak peek for the new charm collection that I will have in my shop Hint Jewelry starting in June 2013. I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who has been collecting my work over the years and gently nudging me along to create models for these charms. I couldn't have created this body of work without you, your inspiration, and your encouragement!!
This is a truth, for over the last nine months I haven't wanted to create. I've been grieving loss in my life and anyone who has grief knows it stops you in your tracks. For the longest time I couldn't understand why I resisted making these charms. I've had designs and molds in my hands since last summer, but every time I would make a date to actually create models, I would procrastinate, distract myself with another project, get sick, feel too tired, or lose myself in physical exercise.
For me, making these charms meant no longer sitting safely on the river bank of life and watching everything flow by me. To make these charms I would actually have to dive in again and be a part of life. I wasn't ready to be a part of life. I wasn't ready to be part of the living, and I finally realized there were two things stopping me:
- I didn't want to actively live life because I might experience crushing loss and pain again.
- I felt that in moving forward I would leave the relationships I've loved behind.
I didn't want to let go of the past and slip back into the flow of life because for some reason loss triggers my fear of abandoning others and my fear of being abandon. A couple years ago I wrote about this understanding on my blog after the death of my cat Saskia. Even though I knew what was happening in my heart and head, I wasn't ready to say or hear the words I wrote in 2010:
"I'm okay that you're okay without me, and I know you're okay that I'm okay without you too."
Loss and grief are strange experiences and there is no formula or linear path you can take. I was blessed by the people around me who have stood by and watched with patience and understanding as I struggled with anger, abandonment, fear, sadness, and grief.
Thank you for your persistence in loving me and wanting me to be in the river with you. More than anything I have created this collection is a collaboration between me and you, and I have so much gratitude for your willingness to sit by, hold my hand, and gently urge me back into the river over the last nine months.
In love and light,