No Striving & Breaking Away

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No striving. No pushing or pulling of other people or myself. No getting anywhere. No place I have to be. Nothing I need right now. No reaching forward or backward.

No striving never made sense to me. In fact, from an early age my whole personality was saddled up for striving. I'm not sure where I thought I was going or what I thought it would bring me, but I have a sinking feeling that I thought all my striving would somehow make me a more valuable member of the human team.

In 2011, when I got divorced my striving reached an endpoint. My constant reaching ahead to shape the future felt like a complete lie.

I realized my striving was all about me. My need to feed my ego with accomplishments that helped me feel safe, loved, and valued.

Learning to just savor and enjoy moments of insight or emptiness is a new experience for me, and I credit the break in my habitual way of operating to the experience of divorce. I couldn't be the person I am today without divorce as a catalyst of change in my life. Up until my divorce, my life was like running on a hamster wheel waiting for the next pellet of food to drop in my mouth to say, "I love you!"

Divorce was my way of breaking away from the hamster wheel and learning how to love myself, so that all the energy I put into striving for value could be reallocated towards serving others and something much greater than myself.

What has been your way of breaking away? Serious illness, loss of work, death of a beloved partner, retirement?

If you have recently experienced a breakup or divorce, please visit my blog Breakup Care Package where I will be posting new information, and you can download my free ebook Divorce Care Package -- a source of healing and help when your relationship ends. This book is not just for individuals who have been legally married and divorced but for all people who feel they have lost a love relationship through some kind of separation.

To have me facilitate a workshop or retreat on healing after the loss of love, visit my Web site by clicking here. 


  1. Even before I got to your last paragraph, I figured a loss of a loved one... and yes, you are right.. I grew up after that loss and continued to learn and yes, have had several losses since 2001... I learned that the decisions usually made w/a spouse was easily done w/out one... that decision making was not so hard.. just takes weighing pros and cons. I've also learned who were genuine friends... A person who is a widow/widower learns that they are at times a threat to others- yep, its not just the single people its us widows/widowers... Just like my husband and I learned who are friends were once we had kids and they had none... But, that's life, ever changing isn't it?

    1. Sounds like you have learned so much through your losses! Thanks for sharing your wisdom about change with me. xoxo Beth


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