5.06.2013

Surrender to Loss & Expand Your Territory

sterling silver angel wing charm hint jewelry beth hemmila necklace
angel wing

One of the things I like best about connecting through Hint Jewelry is that many people come to me looking for a charm to honor the loss of a beloved. Be it human or animal, I am always touched by people's stories and their search to honor a relationship that may have passed in the physical realm but continues to live on within their soul.

Over the last four years, I've lost every one of my primary relationships. Both of my cats of 18 and 16 years died, and my husband and I decided to get a divorce. Before I jokingly referred to the four of us as living on the Island of Misfit Toys; however, now I have no intimate relationships creating a safe refuge and am on my own for the first time.

In a recent moment of sadness, where I realized just how much I miss my cozy island where everything felt understandable to me, I found myself asking, "How can I honor these relationships? What can I do to show them how much they live on within me and are forever etched on my soul?"

Grow.

That's the response I heard. Continue to grow and in doing so their love woven into the fabric of my heart will expand also.

It's easy for me to live a small and safe life. To create an island away from the world. To hide out in my fear, anger, sadness, grief, and sickness. But what I've come to understand during these four years of learning to let go and surrender to loss is that this experience has the ability to expand you outward. In the center of a family, my safe haven, I lived in a type of wonderful mirage, and when it dissolved from around me, I was given the opportunity to see that the whole world is my sanctuary.

Shedding relationships through loss is like shedding emotional skin and being that raw infant all over again -- open and available to be used by the Divine for something entirely new and unexpected. It's scary, thrilling, and real.

If you have recently experienced a breakup or divorce, please visit my blog Breakup Care Package where I will be posting new information, and you can download my free ebook Divorce Care Package -- a source of healing and help when your relationship ends. This book is not just for individuals who have been legally married and divorced but for all people who feel they have lost a love relationship through some kind of separation.

To have me facilitate a workshop or retreat on healing after the loss of love, visit my Web site by clicking here. 

18 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel... U mention 'Shedding relationships through loss is like shedding emotional skin and being that raw infant all over again -- open and available '... and I know I've grown.. since 2001, I've learned a lot about myself, as far as what I can do.. especially when it came down to all the things my husband would do around the house... I figured out that those 'male' fixit things were over rated... yep, u read it right.. I even told a friend that those honey do jobs were no big deal...also being able to make a decision w/out having to get the ok from someone else.. confidence does feel good... and its changed my ideals on marriage... Told my girls that living w/someone is so much easier since finances do not have to co-mingle.. and a pre nup is definitely a must...My way of thinking is so much different than when I was 21!. Thank God!. :-)

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    1. It's so good to hear you felt the same way! The growing is different than anything I would have imagined, and I like how you pointed out some of the simple stuff like fixing things around the house and not having to collaborate on decisions. It's so interesting to watch our confidence grow. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me!! xoxo Beth

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    2. It reminds me of how women were taught that they needed a man to do things with, etc... My mother defined herself thru my Dad and that is just so wrong..and when he died, well, she couldn't handle it and decided to take the coward's way out...and to me that was the most selfish thing she could do. In my opinion, WE all can live on our own, yes we need others for socialization, as well as sharing our lives but we also need to know that we can live on our own as well.

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    3. Sidebar: found this chart interesting:http://www.catster.com/cats-101/calculate-cat-age-in-cat-years

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    4. I totally agree with this idea "we also need to know that we can live on our own as well." It just makes us stronger and more confident. Like knowing I can fix a flat tire! It's so empowering and just makes you more useful in all your relationships. Thanks for sharing! xoxo Beth

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    5. Oh my gosh that cat chart on age is so cool! Both my cats were outdoor so they lived to be over 120 years old. Crazy. No wonder they were so cranky and tired at the end :( Your kitty must be middle aged by now, having a feline mid-life crisis!

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    6. She is 4 in human years.. but now early 30's.... she still acts like a baby.. definite lap kitty which I love...my other male cat became more of my husband's cat.. and he (cat) was jealous of my own babies!.

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    7. Fun! I love it when they stay playful like that and enjoy being close to you or on your lap. Haha! Both of my cats were pretty possessive too. Later beyond their love for us, I wondered if they considered us to be like territory they were jealously guarding :)

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    8. i remember when she was a couple months old, she would try and groom me and she would get on my stomach and knead it... vet thought she was missing her mama and that i was the substitute..i think they are possessive.. ever see how a litter of them will sleep together? mine still sleeps by me.

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    9. How cute that she would try to groom you and knead your belly. It's so fascinating to me. Love, possession, whatever it is I've definitely benefited from their behavior! I've never seen a litter of kittens, but I bet they're cute. I have been watching some documentaries on lions and they all cuddle up close together. They're very affectionate and social.

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    10. NatGeowild channel has a series of episodes of animals that become unlikely friends... unbelievable...it is so sweet.

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    11. I love those stories! I'll have to check them out. Thanks for the tip. I've been watching Big Cat Diary on Netflix -- lions, cheetahs, and leopards :)

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    12. will add that to my list...btw Dog Whisperer is a favorite too. A lot of what Cesar Milan says is true about dog's behavior-which carries over to any animal.. One thing he says is that if the animal behaves in a way that is not normal to us, its not the animal, its the human that may have triggered that behavior.. that is in reference to rescue animals... or any animal we adopt... the animal is just reacting.. and its up to humans to fix their behavior- not the animal's...
      i can always tell a dog owner who knows how to walk their dog... the experienced ones keep the dog close to them when they walk.. the newbies are the ones who let their dog take off on those retractable leashes.. and invariably the ones who do are usually the ones who don't clean up their dog's mess.

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    13. Interesting! I love Cesar Milan.

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    14. Call it my old age, but I notice dogs (especially) will look at me and I can see a friendly look in their eyes... Pitbulls are my fave... and I don't know why, i find myself greeting them as if they were human... My friend who has a mastiff says that I am the only one (besides another neighbor) that can excite her dog... Angus goes crazy whenever I say hi to him.. u'd think i was his best buddy. Weird, huh? I must put out the 'friendly' energy! lol..

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    15. Wow that's such a cool thing to notice! You've got that energy that animals love. Plus dogs have the best eyes to gaze into. They are never uncomfortable looking into yours, right?

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    16. This is going to sound strange, but u know those commercials where they will have the dog mouthing words to the product or verbally reacting to a human? that is the same sort of eye to eye connection I have w/my neighbors' dogs... I have one neighbor whose two dogs can tell its me from a distance, their reaction says it all..

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I'd love for you to share your ideas and stories on my blog! Please know that I may not always be able to e-mail you a direct response, so be sure to check back to my blog and continue the dialogue. Many blessings for connecting with me through word and image :)