This post originally appeared on my blog the Breakup Care Package as a tool to change your perceptions about your ex after the end of relationship. To read about this idea in the context of a breakup or divorce, click here.
One of the best ways for creating your own personal freedom in the face of any challenging relationship is to imagine the other person experiencing their highest good.
Ask yourself, "What does this person need in their life to experience their highest good? What would help this person be their best self?"
- Do they need a new job that helps them grow and excel?
- Do they need to be free from body pain or illness?
- Do they need healing for deep emotional wounds?
- Do they need adventure and play?
- Do they need community?
- Do they need reconciliation?
- Do they need love and relationship?
Use your imagination and picture this person experiencing their highest good. What does their life look like? What do they look like? What kinds of expressions do you see on their face? What emotions are they feeling? How do they relate with other people?
Let your imagination give generously to this person all the things that would help them shine their light in the world. Be like a fly on the wall and secretly observe their happiness. Feel as intensely as you can their feelings of peace, joy, and love without wanting anything in return for yourself. Just be an witness, quietly celebrating the life of this person.
The most important thing to realize during this exercise is that you are not trying to fix this person or make them better rather you are simply trying to energetically see them afresh. See in your mind what life could be like for them and have compassion that for right now they might not be experiencing their highest good. It's not your responsibility to help this person be at their best; however, through your thoughts, a form of meditation or prayer, you are sending out your loving support for their highest good.
More importantly, by dropping a fixed perception of this person, you are setting yourself free from your own relentless cycle of thoughts and perhaps the desire to change them so as to fulfill your own needs.
What are the Benefits?
- Your energy that was trapped in a cycle of wanting someone else to change can now be used to enhance your life in creative ways.
- You stop being a victim in a relationship out of your control and empower yourself to behave differently.
- You will have emotional freedom for seeking your own highest good.
- You will think in terms of the big picture. By not focusing on what you need from your ex but on how the whole world can benefit from this human being and their path, you appreciate how we are all interconnected. You become conscious of our unity.
Combine with Other Practices
- Use the image of this person during Loving Kindness meditation and expand your compassion for him or her.
- Use a journal and daily write down at least one or three things about this person that add value to your life and the lives of others. What do you appreciate about them?